Funny Jokes On New Year Resolution Humor

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New Year Resolution Jokes

 As New Year is approaching many of your might be planning of some new resolutions for yourself.Some of you might have achieved your previous New year resolution stories , some of you might be still struggling to start doing or implementing your previous new year resolution.Any case may be but certainly its time for all of us to make new resolutions for the coming year.No question arises how many days can we stick to our resolution as its true that many of you are still struggling to begin your previous resolutions.So here we present top resolution for new year funny jokes and sms which certainly represent what actually happens and what actually we wish to be happen.Do share these jokes on new year resolution with your family and friend.

Funny Resolution for New Year

Most of the time resolution go in vein.We think of achieving something big in our life but these resolutions fades with time.So here are some real life my new year resolution funny jokes and messages.Enjoy reading these jokes on new year resolution and do share with your friends and loved ones.

New year resolution stories funny

2012: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
 2013: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
 2014: I will not become a "problem drinker".
 2015: I will not miss any AA meetings.

My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.
"Good!" I exclaimed. "I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out.
When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first."
"Great!" she replied. "I’ll ride with you."

A friend asks his friend, John, for a cigarette.
John says “I think you made a new year’s resolution to quit smoking?”
So he replies, “I am in the process of quitting. Right now I am in the middle of phase 1.”
“What's phase 1?”
“I've quit buying!”

2009: I will get my weight down below 180.
2010: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2011: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2012: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2013: I will work out 5 days a week.
2014: I will work out 3 days a week.
2015: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

Funny resolution for New Year 2015

•  I resolve to stop procrastinating about procrastinating!
• I will always "check for paper" before and after leaving a public restroom.
•  I will stop sending Facebook messages and emails to my loved ones when they are in the same room as I am!
• Spend less than $1000 for coffee at Starbucks this year. 
• Lose weight by inventing an anti-gravity machine Stop repeating myself again, and again, and again. 
• Stop being superstitious.
• I will learn what the "resolution" means.
• I will leave my brain at home while going to watch the supposedly scary movies.
• I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
• When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
• I will stop saying," Ooh, that feels nice" whenever the security guys frisk me at airports.
• I resolve not to see any serial or movie in which any dead character is brought alive.
• I resolve not to call any phone number of any TV contest as they are always kept off the hook.